The inability to write what I wish.

First off let me start out by saying that this is going to be quite random. It is also going to be filled with lots of rhetorical questions. I just need to get some things out and vent. Ok? Also, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with my relationship with Charles. We are doing marvelously and I am anxiously awaiting his upcoming unknown proposal! More on that when it happens! So here goes…..

I want to write so much…but I know I shouldn’t. My thoughts and feelings would get away from me and would only make matters worse.

I started writing but had to delete it all… Ok, I think I need to derail this blog…at least take it away from the direction it was headed. I found what I was writing to be too pointed and I don’t want to make an already terrible situation worse. So ignore all the stuff I wrote above.

I keep typing things but I keep finding myself erasing it all. Ugh. I just want to get this all out….but how? There’s been a lot of hurt lately in some relationships, from many sides and I’m just trying to deal with it. Misunderstandings have been a huge part in it all. I thought I was finally at a point where I could start fresh. Put everything in the past and begin as if it had never happened. Start the relationships over. After a conversation that took place last night I feel things were made harder, not easier. Where do I go from here? I know where. I know what I need to do and I know it’s the right thing. But my flesh is screaming NO. I want justice for me. I want people to admit that they have been wrong. To stand up and take responsibility for their own actions and mistakes. I’m not the only one at fault here! Yet it seems that others think I am…but why? I don’t know what else to say now. I mean I do. I want to say so much but I know I can’t. I’m trying to let it all go but it’s hard.  I know what I need to but it’s not going to be easy at all…..

Pray for me if you think of it.